When I grow up I wanna be...

What do I wanna be when I grow up?

Life long question...

Has anyone answered it? I mean there are so many things throughout our lives that change: our values, our priorities, our interests, our taste buds...even the texture of our hair changes 7 times in a life time!!! (Still waiting for that full, thick, silky texture like those hair commercials *cross fingers*)It seems that nothing remains the same over time...

...oh, but I have found one constant. It came to me on a Sunday afternoon, after I spent the weekend at a sisterhood retreat. I had a revelation that weekend... I needed to find my purpose. I went on Barnes&Noble.com and searched for the "how full is your bucket" and I stumbled across Gallup's StrengthsFinder 2.0 and Strengths Based Leadership... $50 later...shhhh don't tell mom, and 4 books later I find myself checking the mailbox everyday for the book arrivals.

Finally, Spring Break, relax, kick back, and assess my strengths.

Now, I haven't found out anything I didn't already know, but finally I have been able to put in words my natural strengths...One core question that everyone who takes this assessment has is, "so, what now? who do I become? what should my career be?"

Well, that's not the way I look at it. I see it as an opportunity to discover ways we can use our natural strengths in our daily lives, current jobs, and relationships in order to contribute our part to the situation.

These articulations of what I am naturally good at have sent me into a reflective spiral.

I have finally been able to make a list of my professional goals, personal goals, values, and what I want in a significant other.


Two years ago I would have told you I didn't want a husband or kids or the white picket fence, but as I grow older and I see my friends marrying off or seriously dating I take a step back and wonder....what good is all of this? how great can this life be, if you have no one to share it with?

Life changes, things happen, and we can't wonder what might have been different, we can't worry about tomorrow or five years from now. But what we can do is take a look at our strengths, take a look at what we can do now, focus, and be truly happy in those moments. Fate takes you where you need to go, as for now, I'm just along for the ride. I'll make a decision when I come to it (like grad school within the next few weeks)...

So it doesn't matter what you want to be when you grow up, as long as you never stop dreaming big and chasing those dreams.

Go do great things today.

HAVE REGRETS!

Something happened this weekend at work that brought back a little of my past. I'll admit in my younger years (when I wasn't so wise :-p) that I made a few mistakes. Mistakes that ultimately make people think of me in a certain way and because they haven't witnessed me everyday for the last four years or even for the majority of that time and they only know me in one setting they don't know how much I have grown, learned and changed.


If I was unable to look back on my life and think of something that I could have done better or perhaps made a better decision then I would be more upset because then I would know that I haven't grown or changed at all. See, having regrets has a bad connotation. A regret seems so final. There is no one in this world that can claim they have never done anything in their life that they wouldn't change. The thing is, it's okay to look back and say, "I would have changed that." I think that when people say, "have no regrets" what they mean is, "learn from each experience and be grateful you had it." You can say, "I would have changed that" but don't beat yourself up about it. It happened and it is what it is. It's okay to not be perfect, as long as you can look at yourself at the end of the day and know you are doing the best you can to be the best you can.

I wish I could have changed a few things in my past, maybe made different decisions. I don't regret it because it made me who I am.

SPANDEX

Okay, I'm really starting to get annoyed at this new fashion trend... the spandex leggings with just a shirt...what I mean is the spandex leggings are your stand along pants. First of all- that's GREAT if you have the body to do this, but it encourages those who don't have the body yet desire to be trendy to wear said outfit. While walking on campus the other day I noticed a girl stopped at a stop walk. The nice sunshine was beaming right at her- and guess what? see through! Her black leggings were see through.

Again, I get it- trendy, maybe? Comfortable? YES! but in public...no!

I am no fashionista but really people, no one cares to see through your spandex pants. Being able to see every outline of your body is not my preference but I am subject to it because we live in coastal sunny North Carolina. ... And please- no Uggs with this attire.

Mission Impossible

I have been slightly emotional and on edge lately due to certain events. I am also an emotional eater. First off, being an emotional eater is very disadvantaging! I mean, really, it's hard enough to say no to all the great food that comes your way but then slap on stress, anger or upset-ness (is that a word?) and hello, 10 pounds. I wanted nachos, from Moe's preferably. I drive to Moe's at approximately 9:15 PM, they are closed?! What time does Moe's close, one might ask? But one can never tell because the closing times are not posted...wtf?! It's okay- I'll try Islands. So I drive across town to Islands and I stand in line, ask for Nachos- and then what happens? They are out of queso (the whole reason I like the nachos) ...ughhhhh Seriously? I think God was trying to send a message. So I drove around hopelessly - and I won't lie I was pretty angry and distraught. Not at the fact that I couldn't have nachos but at the fact that nothing could go right that week. I drive up to El Cerro- closing in 10 minutes. I can't do that. I can't go into a place the last hour before they close and order food...why? Because I serve tables and often close the restaurant. It really SUCKS when people come in last minute and prohibit the cleaning process.

I go home, disheveled, angry, and hungry. I would just not eat, to prove a point. To show them but I don't think I should punish myself because of my unfortunate bad luck.

I go home, make a lean cuisine and sulk in my not-so-tasty dinner.

Thursday- not hungry- but I decide to try again for nachos- alas my nachos. They aren't as good as I remember and the next day as I am running, I feel them sloshing in my stomach.

Point of the story: bad food tastes good for those hot 15 minutes you are eating them... after that- bad news bears, my amigos.

hmmph.

Calm Down

Today I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru. I pulled up to the speaker where the man in the white truck behind me rolled down his window and asked if I had been helped yet. I shook my head and he sped around me to the window. My order was taken and I pulled around to see the white truck at the window. He then sped off, the nice Taco Bell worker asked if he had been in front of me. I said no and explained what had happened. Both of us just kind of laughed.

What is wrong with some people?

Don't have a great year, MAKE a great year...

I'm switching that saying around a little bit. 2009 has been a rough year for almost anyone you cross, for me it hasn't been any different. I have faced more challenges, developed more questions about myself, and have had to answer the most difficult questions this year than ever before. It has been by far the hardest year yet, although I recall last year saying the same thing.

Is it possible that every year you grow up, it gets more challenging? ...Makes sense.

So, I'm going to grab the bull by the horns, not that I haven't always taken this approach but now I'm older and wiser than before.

Accomplishments this year?

You bet!

-I finished up my term as President of my sorority.
-I learned more about myself this year than ever before and also how to work with people that I don't necessarily agree with all of the time.

-I have learned patience.

-Learned to bartend.

-Started a blog and a twitter account.

-Applying to grad school.

-Had an internship, another will follow in the spring.

-Made it to 22.

Of course, now that I reflect on the year, it seems so much more simple. It seems like I can't write down what I've accomplished, I can't fathom the things I have gone through. It seems so trivial now. But I do still feel a little worn out from this past year. And in my heart I feel all of the obstacles I have overcome, all of the aspects of myself that have been refined, and all of the compassion I have gained for others.

2010 is a big year, graduation, maid of honor duties, grad school/real life shit, my super awesome trip I am planning, moving away, new opportunities, and total freedom from responsibility as an officer in my sorority ( I loved every minute of it, but you know you have done your job and finished your duties when you are at ease at the thought of someone else running the chapter )

I hope for change this year and I know it will come.

Happy New Year, my loves.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue

On Christmas Eve one of my dearest friends asked me to be her maid of honor. I can't even explain to you the rush of emotions that I felt. It is truly just such an honor that someone would think of you that highly and want you to be a part of such a special day. Of course, I got a new notebook, wedding magazines, and googled my responsiblities. If there's anything you all know about me it's that I am a hard worker and like to plan...obsessively.

I went to see Avatar in 3D the other day...amazing. The world created was just amazing. The story line- although predictable- kept me on my feet! I really loved the movie- would recommend it and hope to own it one day. (I kept the 3D glasses par my mother's order)

Tragedy struck early in the morning after Christmas. Something that has changed my family's lives. Only a handful of you will be able to know what truly happened, but I've decided things need to change in my life. Life is truly unfair and now that I realize that it just seems that I can't use it as an excuse anymore. Although obstacles arise, occurances change our lives, I think that it's important to focus on how to solve problems rather than the problem themselves.

I was watching something the other day and a character on TV said, "Have a great day!" and the other character says, "no, you don't have a great day, you MAKE a great day" The amount of truth in these words is almost unbearable. We have to make our days what they are, our lives, our relationships, and we can't keep waiting around on the world around us to change.

Sorry so gloomy these days...it's the holidays.